How often have we said, “What a nice person!”? How much have we wanted that affirmation for ourselves? There have been times in my life that I wanted other people to think I was “nice,” regardless of whether I actually was nice or not.

I don’t feel this way anymore. Honestly, I would love to see the word “nice” disappear from use by all people for all time. It’s time for us to let this word go forever.

Nice is not who we are called be. We are called to be who we really are, and I guarantee that nice is not one of those things.

Here’s how I see nice people. If you either see yourself as a nice person or want others to see you as a nice person, you may not like what follows. So in case you are wondering, I’m definitely not going to be nice to nice people and those who like nice people here!

1. Nice people are pushovers.
2. Nice people are doormats.
3. Nice people do not ask for what they want.
4. Nice people do not negotiate for what they want.
5. Nice people do not tell the truth out of a fear.
6. Nice people care way too much about what others think of them.
7. Nice people have way too much patience with the status quo.
8. Nice people sacrifice themselves and their own truth upon the altar of social conformity with the creed of “I’m not good enough” playing like a looped recording in their brains.
9. Nice people don’t rock the boat.
10. Nice people don’t do interventions.
11. Nice people let bullies knock people down grind them into the dust.
12. Nice people would rather allow themselves to be ground into the dust than stand up for what is good, right, and true.
13. Nice people are afraid of their own power.
14. Nice people avoid the necessary conflict that occurs between compassion and injustice.

You may think I’m not being nice in being so tough on niceness and nice people. That’s very perceptive of you. Having suffered from an addiction to niceness for way too long, I’m a little passionate about setting people free from this particular prison.

So if you are a parent, stop telling your kids to be nice! Encourage them to be who they really are and do what they really want to do! Give them the freedom to say “No!” even as you continue to be the boss. Teach your kids to negotiate by negotiating for what you want!  

Stop playing the tape in your brain that says certain things are not nice. The world doesn’t need nice right now. The world needs the truth expressed with as much love and compassion as possible. And the truth cannot be expressed from a place of niceness. It can only be expressed from a solid foundation of spiritual empowerment.

We have the problems we are currently having as a species for two fundamental reasons:

1. Most people are afraid to tell the truth.

2. Most people are afraid to hear the truth.

This is why it is so critical that we banish niceness from the face of the earth as soon as possible. We need to be bold in speaking the truth from our perspective. We need to be desirous of listening to the truth from all of the sources of truth in our lives. When we have released these fears around speaking and listening to the truth, we will have the world that the prophets and sages have spoken of for millennia.

Go forth and release your fear! Speak your truth with bold compassion, and listen for the truth in everyone and everything you encounter!

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I believe that there are two fronts on which to wage our campaign to rid the world of fear and create organizations that are truly effective. There is the individual approach and the collective approach.

My previous post The Inner Tipping Point focused more on the individual side of the equation. Today, I’ll share some thoughts on what we need to do with our groups and social organizations to have them be as effective as possible.

We need leaders who are willing to be real and encourage others people to be real.

We need to create as many opportunities for people to be real with each other as possible.

We need to leverage the trust built through these activities and opportunities to serve the missions and visions of our organizations and the individuals who are essential to the fulfillment of those purposes.

Why the focus on being real with each other? Because as we disclose our own challenges and needs to others, they begin to like us more, trust us more, and know us more. And when people know like and trust each other more, amazing things can happen.

For one thing, nothing speeds things up like trust. When you trust someone, you don’t have to play all kinds of games to try to make sure that you’re not getting screwed. You trust that the quality of your relationship will help you work out any kinks, bumps, detours and misunderstandings that may arise as the agreement is actualized.

When we talk about challenges, problems, and opportunities, we are more likely to really listen to each other and give thoughtful consideration when we know, like, and trust each other.

Conversely, when we know, like, and trust others, we are more likely to tell the truth in the interest of serving each other and the organizations of which we are a part. It’s not always pretty, but when we really care and know that others care, it’s amazing what we will do for each other in telling the truth in the interest of service.

By being honest and vulnerable with each other, we can make things happen that people working and living in fear-based cultures cannot even imagine.

By engaging in the individual and collective processes that reduce fear, we increase the speed and the effectiveness of our efforts to fulfill both our collective and individual missions.

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