Identity is an important aspect of being human, one that we often take for granted (usually at our peril). But for those who are willing to explore beneath the surface features of their lives, the possibilities are truly extraordinary.

A sense of identity allows one to feel that she is pretty much the same person she was relative to some other moment in time. This is generally a good thing. Memories and habits allow identity to develop and sustain itself. While these things are common aspects of identity, they can also become traps in an unexamined life.

Consider the case of a person who is not consciously processing memories or examining habits. A person in this situation becomes increasingly programmed to believe that these memories and habits define the possibilities for her existence. While this can give a person a sense of security, continuity and stability, the danger is that one’s life increasingly takes on the characteristics of a carousel ride. One goes around in circles, maybe even moving up and down on a particular horse, but at the end of the ride, a person finds that she is in the same place she started. While there may be perceived benefits in this approach to life, growth is stunted and positive changes usually come very slowly and with much pain and struggle.

In my experience most of us define ourselves largely by our perceived limitations, shortcomings, mistakes, moral failings, addictions, disabilities, challenges, and wounds. Isn’t it often the case that we use words like “can’t,” “couldn’t,” “I am,” and “I’m not” when we think about ourselves? Are any of these things we say, think, and feel about ourselves actually true?
What if these stories we tell ourselves are actually lies? For the moment, let’s assume that they are. If that’s the case, then who are we really? If we base our lives upon lies, will we ever realize even a tiny fraction of the possibilities available to us? Will we even risk the possibility of bumping up against the unknown?
Identity is part of what helps us make sense of the world. It is part of the foundation that undergirds our perceptions and categorizations. But if our sense of self is not strongly linked to real things, we cannot trust our perceptions. If we have misidentified our true selves, our perceptions of all things will be correspondingly warped and distorted, making terrors out of trivialities and treasures out of trinkets.
Our defense mechanisms do not constitute the real “I” of our identities. They are impermanent layers added to the wonderful “I” that lies underneath. We have developed these layers of protection to prevent the potential disappointments and dangers that accompany real living. I know that there are powerful temptations leading us to cling to an imprisoned self in exchange for a false sense of predictability, security, and stability. I’m suggesting that this need not be the case. I’m suggesting that it’s much more fun to be free!

As long as we remain unwilling to leave our security systems behind, we will be imprisoned by our past patterns. I encourage you to do something—anything—that you can think of that might scare you a bit, but that would also feel really good to accomplish. Taking the smallest step in a new direction can begin the process of expanding your ideas about who you really are. Of course, as you are doing this, you can consciously release the fears that come up for you, making it a truly joyful and liberating process!

None of us have experienced more than a tiny fraction of all that we really are and all that we can really do. By doing this simple exercise, you can begin to experience a world with broader horizons, higher skies, and more of everything that you are longing to give and receive, helping yourself and others to play in a universe of ever-expanding possibilities. This is why we are here, whether we realize it yet or not.

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I recently had an interesting conversation with a gentleman about fear. This man shared with me some of his thoughts on fear. He had been taught that being fearless (literally unafraid) would get him killed. He happens to work in law enforcement and has received a lot of training from many people over the years on how to stay alive and not get dead.

Every single person had taught him that being unafraid would get him killed very quickly. He took this advice to heart and decided to be afraid in going about his law enforcement work.

He shared with me a story of recently transferring a prisoner who had received a life sentence. The man was in the back of his car, and asked for one last thing before being taken to prison, Kentucky Fried Chicken. The officer, who knew that doing this could cost him his job and even get him killed, considered the request. He granted the man with a life sentence his wish. He took him to KFC and bought him a two piece meal, standing ready for when this man’s friends came into the store to kill him. He had the man hurry up and finish the chicken and get back into the car for the rest of the trip to prison.

This cop was terrified during this whole story. He was afraid of being shot. He was afraid of losing his job should what he did become known. He had been taught that his terror was what was going to keep him alive.

What if none of this was necessary? What if he could have been fearless in this circumstance? What could have been different?

Here’s what I know for sure.

If this man was fearless, he could have known what this man’s true intentions were: to set a trap to make a break for freedom, or to have food that reminded him of the joy and freedom of being a kid again).

If this man was fearless, he could have been at peace at KFC and really soaked in the wonderful compassion of what he offered this man out of the generosity of his real and true heart. He could have taken his time, sensed very clearly whether there were any threats, and allowed this man to heat his chicken and really savor the moment.

People think that their fears keep them safe. Wrong! Our fears keep us in fear and attract the very circumstances that cause us to feel fear and react out of that fear.

Robert Frost wrote, “There’s nothing I’m afraid of like scared people.” I know why he said it. It’s time for each and every one of us to release every fear we carry around to keep ourselves safe, even the fear of scared people!

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